Splatterhaus

Thrill-seekers, start your screaming! Haunted houses are open for business!

Last Saturday night I went to my first haunted house of the season, Splatterhaus. I love haunted houses, and I love (love) Halloween. It actually runs a close second to Christmas in terms of my favorite holidays.

For years I had heard about Splatterhaus – the well orchestrated sensory assaults, dark winding hallways, unexpected slides and crawl spaces, and the detailed rooms and sets – all of which make this particular attraction the “most terrifying haunted house,” according to my friends and other haunted house enthusiasts.

I’ve only gone once prior to my recent visit and this year we decided to go in celebration of Lara’s 22nd birthday. Lara is a mutual friend of my sister, Terry, and I and she is obsessed with Halloween, haunted houses and horror movies. So, this was the perfect outing for her birthday.

Splatterhaus is tucked away in the middle of nowhere, so I had to print directions from the website before we left. Fortunately, the directions were spot on, so we didn’t have any trouble finding the event – additionally there were a bazillion signs that read: “Splatterhaus this way” to help us along the way.

We arrived just before 10:30 p.m. and met an uncharacteristically small crowd. Normally on a Saturday night Haus lovers will typically wait three hours to get inside. Seriously. The crowd gets that big. Perhaps it was empty (and by empty I mean there were about fifty people waiting with us) because it was opening weekend or maybe because the 90 degree weather tends to make people want to jump in a pool rather than run through a haunted house. Of course we were the exception and had been anticipating this weekend since we caught our first whiff of autumn air a couple weeks ago.

We scanned the desolate area until Lara’s carpool arrived ten minutes later. At that time, we showered her with birthday gifts, which included black and orange balloons and some “Hallowine” from Apple Holler. Then, we went up to the ticket booth where mood-setting industrial music blared from the speakers and vibrated the walls. We bought our $12 tickets and joined the crowd of hard-core thrill-seekers who were sitting on the open patch of grass next to the concession stand that sold hotdogs, warm pretzels, bags of chips, licorice ropes and cans of soda.

The waiting area contained a strange sense of anticipation that I’ve never felt before. This was undoubtedly fueled by stories from past haunted houses and from our predictions of what would be in store for us that night.

After a 45 minute wait, our ticket numbers were finally called out. We were then corralled into a small shed where we were separated into groups of four to eight. Terry and I were sandwiched in between Eric who offered to lead our group, and Justin who guarded the rear. Normally I’m fearless, okay, I lied, I’m a coward, and that night my chest never felt so tight and my heart never raced so rapidly. On the other hand, at least I wasn’t squealing, “ohmigod, I’m so scared. Ohmigod!” like the other girls waiting in line. (I’m just better at faking it.)

In no time, we were motioned to enter the 8,000-square-foot haunted house. What awaited us were costumed monsters, tons of incredibly narrow mazes and grisly, realistic executions. And while you’d think it’d be impossible to be utterly wowed after such a long wait, Universal Studios should give these guys a call. It was awesome!

There were roughly 15 rooms, all unique and creepy in their own way – especially the Claustrophobia room. Still, that doesn’t even include all of the dark winding hallways where things lurked around the corner.

At the same time, the actors wore elaborate costumes – from a killer robot to a one-of-a-kind Pinhead – that were very well orchestrated and offered plenty of in-your-face surprises. I enjoyed being frightened – the shock and awe over the blood and guts – although I was looking down most of the time. Even Eric and Justin seemed to be on edge the entire time and were occasionally startled by the angry “Bragurghahhrararaaaabraaaerggarr!” of monsters, so I felt better about acting like a wuss.

It's funny because we took this terrifying and treacherous journey just so we could get chased by a bunch of freaky clowns and masked monsters. It sounds a bit silly, doesn’t it? But let it be known that Splatterhaus was the most creative, most innovative, most fun and most impressive haunted house that I’ve experienced yet! And what made it even more worthwhile was that the tour was endured side by side with friends who screamed, ran and walked into walls with me.

It took us over 30 minutes to go through the house although it seemed longer since it was a constant back-to-back-to-back adrenaline rush. I can’t possibly do it justice without gushing over the entire thing, plus I don’t want to ruin it for you.

As we left Splatterhaus, our hearts were still wildly thumping and I was almost out of breath. We gathered in the deserted parking lot and reflected on our experience. All in all we agreed that it was a good time and a great start to the Halloween festivities.

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Splatterhaus
W 5806 County Rd. W
Cascade, Wisconsin
Dates:  October 5,6,12-14,19-21,25-28,31; November 2,3
Hours:  Fridays and Saturdays 7:00-Midnight, Sundays 6:30-9:00 p.m., Halloween 6:30-9:00 p.m., and Friday and Saturday November 1-2 7:00-11:00 p.m.
Admission: $12.00

Comments

[megan]

I wanted to let you know that I suggested Splatterhaus to my friends this weekend. We went on Saturday. The wait was pretty long but it was awesome! Thanks for the info.
-Megan

[Justin R.]

Splatterhaus was a great time. I reccommend it to everyone!!!