Speaking of marathons ...

This very amusing and mildly insulting article from Slate was on the MSN homepage today: “Running with Slowpokes: How Sluggish Newbies Ruined the Marathon.”

The author describes his extreme annoyance with “the growing army of giddy marathon rookies” who get in his way when he’s running, and who don’t take the sport as seriously as avid runners do.

“The marathon has transformed from an elite athletic contest to something closer to sky diving or visiting the Grand Canyon. When a newbie marathoner crosses the finish line, he’s less likely to check his time than to shout ‘Only 33 more things to do before I die!’”

He goes on: “A boatload of races have sprung up to assist would-be marathoners in their quest for mediocrity.” (For example, the Rock 'N' Roll Marathon)

And then, “Maybe if people ran faster they wouldn’t need Zeppelin cover bands to keep boredom at bay.”

Alright, he’s on the money with all of the above statements, and I couldn’t help but laugh and feel a bit sheepish as I read. “Today the great majority of marathon runners set out simply to finish” describes me exactly. It was never about my time, it was never about running really fast – it was about checking it off my life’s to-do list!

However, slow runners do not get in the way of the faster runners. When you line up at the starting line, you line up with your pace group. If you line up with your “elite” 5-minute-mile runners, you’re not going to have any slowpokes in front of you. They’re all back in the 10-minute-mile pace group!

He finishes the article: “It’s clear now that anyone can finish a marathon. Maybe it’s time to raise our standards to see who can actually run one.”

Now hold on just one MINUTE!

Not everyone can finish a marathon. There are millions of people in this country who couldn’t even walk a marathon. Heck, they couldn’t even walk a QUARTER of a marathon!

Even when the goal is just to finish, it’s still a big goal that requires a lot of training and hard work. Running isn’t easy. Running 26.2 miles – even when it’s at a slow pace – is REALLY not easy.

And taking, say, five hours to finish takes absolutely nothing away from those who manage to finish in three.

To all the would-be marathoners out there, I say go for it! It is something you’ll be proud of the rest of your life.

Then while pompous people like this author are still stuck on their one obsession and still griping about those who don't take it seriously enough, you’ll already have moved on to skydiving and seeing the Grand Canyon and God knows what else!

In my opinion, that’s the best way to go through life!

Comments

[Derek]

Wow, that author needs to take a pill and settle down. As I was reading your post, I was thinking the same thing you mentioned later on and that is if he's really so good, then slow people wouldn't bother him. He would be WAY in front of the "rookies." And I'm with you, not everyone can finish one. I can't even imagine it at this point although I did return to my running at Bally's. Hopefully I can make it up to 2 miles soon! :)

[DannyNoonan]

I think he makes a lot of good points. I've done a lot of road racing, and if you think the pace catagories prevent people from slowing you down, you're mistaken. The only people that don't need to deal with the crowds are the few people that toe the starting line. That leaves a lot of people that really want to race well to fight through the "just finishers."

When you watch the race tomorrow, look how many people are lined up in the 7 minute mile pace group and then check the results tomorrow for how many finished in under 3:03. I'll betcha there aren't as many.

Anybody can finish a Marathon. It's not Everest, it's not Badwater and it sure isn't the English Channel. It's 26 miles of pavement with Gatoraid ever mile and a half. It's really not that hard to just finish. Most of the 6+ hours runners would be far better served to train for a half marathon and run it at a descent pace. They'd enjoy it more and it would be better for their bodies too. They just wouldn't get to say "I ran a marathon." Which is really the point. People want to be able to say they ran a marathon. But when people who can't really run a marathon say they ran a marathon, it becomes less of an accomplishment. It would be like me saying I can dunk a basketball since I can on a 7 foot hoop or something.

When you get to be around 5 hours, you're basically just walking, right? Wait, I can answer that. I've never run a marathon by itself. The only one I did was at the end of the Ironman. My time was around 4:30. And I walked some of it. If you're starting fresh, why would you need to walk at all? If you do, you're not really running a marathon, are you?

I'm actually signed up for the race this weekend but I have a stress fracture so I'm not going to run it. I could easily "just finish", probably well under 4 hours, but what's the point of that? It would just aggrivate my injury for the sake of an unimpressive time.

I'm not saying that they should limit entries to only fast people or that races that focus on music and other side show stuff aren't a good idea. I'm just saying it would be nice if people would respect the sport enough to get up for it. Or sign up for a distance they can actually run. That said, I will definately be out cheering for all of the marathoners tomorrow.

[Scott Zsori]

While I agree with a few points the author and Danny had, I think overall they're being elitist jerks. I've watched a couple of Ironmans and even with a lot of people, it thins out after a few miles and running at your desired pace isn't difficult anymore. Many people that walk marathons still have to train for a few months beforehand since their bodies aren't used to moving those distances. I know I couldn't walk a marathon this weekend. So, even those people that walk the whole thing are accomplishing something they've worked hard at and they should be proud of what they've done.

Maybe it's true that they just want to be able to say they've finished a marathon. But if they bother you so much, why don't you just run your 26.2 miles out on the Glacial Drumlin trail instead of packing yourself in with all these pedestrians? Or is it that you want to be able to display your mad running skills in front of many people?

There's no way that I would ever attempt to run in a marathon... I'm just not in good enough shape. However, there are things that I'm significantly better at than most people (computers, volleyball, wrestling, swimming, Trivial Pursuit). Instead of being critical about their abilities, I try helping them. The world would be a better place if people stopped complaining about trivial things and instead gave each other some verbal support now and then.

[Erin]

Very well said, Scott! The world WOULD be a better place if more people had your attitude!

[DannyNoonan]

I'm pretty sure I DID express a similar attitude to Scott. My advice to 5+ hour marathoners, to help them, is to run half marathons instead. Or 5ks. You'll get a lot more out of running a half than walking a full marathon.

"I've watched a couple of Ironmans and even with a lot of people, it thins out after a few miles and running at your desired pace isn't difficult anymore."

I think the ironman is different. There are usually fewer racers total and they are spread out over 140 miles rather than 26.2. It's only crowded for the first mile or so of the swim. The crowd in the water presents a different obstacle than a crowd in a run. Plus the Ironman is a lot longer and harder. It's not quite Everest or Badwater, but not everyone can do Ironman. Finishing it in the slowest allowed time (17 hours I think) is pretty difficult for some people even if they do train properly. Perhaps marathons would benefit from closing the course after 6 hours or something too?

"But if they bother you so much, why don't you just run your 26.2 miles out on the Glacial Drumlin trail instead of packing yourself in with all these pedestrians?"

People do that, but when they want to race, they like, um, sign up for a race. It's the people that don't want to race that should be doing 26.2 on the trail by themselves rather than signing up for a race.

I'm just saying that the guy in the article made some legitimate observations. He's not just saying that since he's fast, the race is meant for him. He's saying that he has the drive and talent to train properly for a 26 mile race. Lots of people that don't train properly sign up anyway. I don't think it's anymore elitist than not wanting to see kids with jeans or nose-rings in a nice restaurant. Which, admittedly is a little elitist. But it's not unreasonable.

[Erin]

Danny, I appreciate your thoughts and you make good points. I think that if runners are so concerned with their time and with qualifying for the biggies, they should run the smaller marathons that aren't as crowded - like the Lakefront Marathon this weekend. Then you're still racing, but you're not trying to push through crowds of people the whole time.

I will say, even at my slow pace, things never thinned out in Chicago (with 40,000 runners), and even I was tripping over myself trying to get around slow pokes. Had it not been for them, maybe I would finished closer to four hours. :)

[Christi]

I think Danny needs a pat on the back for all his iron man training ;)

Seriously though, I COMMEND anyone that can do the ironman. I imagine it's really tough! But running a marathon is tough as well and it's a major accomplishment to finish one. You can argue all you want but any joe could not get out there on the starting line and finish 26.2 miles without some sort of training. While I agree that maybe all of us that just want to accomplish something so physically great should stay out of the big marathons...we all have to start somewhere right?!

I don't know. I apologize if while I was "just finishing" my marathon I got in anyone's way but I wouldn't give up any second of those 26.2 miles. I crossed the finish line and felt immense pride and accomplishment. It's a feeling I believe EVERY person in the world should be able to achieve.

And Erin..you probably could have finished faster if you didn't have to wait for my injured ass as well ;)

[ElleK]

One thing is I may have had to walk when I did my first marathon but I did train hard unfortunealty too hard and injured my knees which is why i did end up walking some. Not everyone is going to have a good race everytime and things will come up that cause people to walk and all the training in the world may not prevent that. And the excitemet of they day can cause those excited "new" folks to start out stronger than they can handle for a whole marathon and may slow down later on. Like I said lots of reasons for walkers.

From now on when I do my "slow" marathon running I will think of you "Danny" and will curse your name when there are no bannanas left at the end because you've eaten them all before I could finish ;) Trust me the slow folks are not holding you up cause we're at the back of the pack.

Waddle on!

[DannyNoonan]

Christi, I agree you have to start somewhere, but the path to the 3:30 marathon does not begin with a 6 hour marathon, it begins with a 20 minute 5k.

ElleK, Perhaps you would have gotten more out of a half-marathon, no? It was the long distance that hurt your knees afterall. And for the record I havn't eaten a banana, in a race or otherwise, in like 25 years.

Danny

[Krista]

I'm speechless. If I say anything, I'll spark a war, because that man's article made me want to rip out my hair.

I ran a 4:48 at Chicago last year, and I'm damn proud of every last minute of it. The experience alone is something I will never forget, and I wouldn't take it back for anything.

And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. And probably another four hours.